


Steven Floats

by Entropeutic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: All steven in his head, Angst, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, References to Suicide, So much angst, Unresolved Emotional Tension, post-homeworld bound, sort of corruption theory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:15:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23320810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entropeutic/pseuds/Entropeutic
Summary: Steven is floating above it all but nothing can take him away from the war within-"Red, wasn't it red people saw when they were full of unbridled rage? Steven could only see pink..."
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	Steven Floats

Red, wasn't it red people saw when they were full of unbridled rage? Steven could only see pink. He never thought he'd ever hate and fear the colour in a slurry slew of emotional baggage. _Just_ the same as towering, radiant White Diamond tainted by his thoughts. A flash of _PAIN_ in the core of his navel. A surge of pink pulsing energy filled his blood full of unknown adrenaline. The image of sharp, dark nails- His forehead ached in memory. He wasn't sure if he was trying to kill her or him-  
Steven grit his teeth and tried to get a grip on his body. It kept _changing_ to the rhythm of his thoughts. The freezing air above the clouds did nothing. Steven floated alone in black void with dim stars, silent, but the mind it was a battleground. It was painful in a way he couldn't describe. Shame, regret, anger, fear, sadness and overwhelming disgust at the _fucking_ colour pink. Steven ripped off his jacket and watched as it fluttered away in the wind. He noted the size of his arms... like after he trained with Jasper-  
SHAME  
He shrank rapidly and it hurt, like an elastic on the wrist pulled back and left to snap against raw skin. Steven groaned and curled over his stomach. The familiar feeling of his baby fat around the hard edge of the gem only triggered more flashing images of trauma.  
Was this what his mother wanted?   
No. Pink Diamond changed because she wanted to escape, Rose Quartz transformed because she wanted peace- and Steven did it! He did it! He's the damned hero! He saved the day but no one could save _him_ from the echoes of the past. Wrathful, tantrum Pink, deceptive, lying Rose- he was made as a weapon. Just like the laser light cannons, the final line of defence against the Diamonds. The true power of the loaded gun locked in that gem was emerging but there was no war left to fight. His body-  
Steven cried out in pain as it convulsed. His body was a vessel for the alien power he couldn't handle anymore. If he were only human- oh if he were only human...  
None of this would have happened. The diamonds would be someone else's problem, not his lifetime burden and reason for existence. There was nothing left to tie him down. So Steven floated.  
Greg hated what made him human. Huh, Mr. Universe. The man never spent a day grounded on Earth. Steven bitterly imagined learning to ride a bike on that quiet street... homemade meatloaf reliably on Thursday- Making friends at school! He wouldn't feel like Connie was all that made him enough to be around other humans.  
If only he were human.  
Those injuries would be physical. Broken arms, legs, ribs- all of that danger from childhood would have stopped and he would have healed over weeks and months. Funny how he could mend all wounds in a heartbeat and yet every strike still felt fresh on his soul like the lash of a whip.  
Others would want his power? Take it! Steven was done. Tears slid down his cheeks silently as something sharp moved beneath his skin.  
He was a monster.  
The spiked gathered under his skull and at the shoulder blades. Suddenly Steven was calm. He had settled into the taller version of himself and he actually smirked. Who was he kidding?  
It was all in his head anyways. Everything was fine- the universe was saved.  
Steven stopped floating and drifted to the ground, flip flops long lost.  
"I'm fine," he told himself out loud softly as a sharp tooth pushed through inside edge of his mouth, waiting. He ignored it and walked, glowing diamond eyes cold in determined denial of what broiled within.  
Our worst monsters never came from the closet.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope everyone is hanging in ok. The end of these wonderful story is coming and I cant stop thinking about corruption theory ahhh. We are in uncertain times and more than ever does isolation rub us raw.  
> (I will also say I listened to Zach Callison's EP all day if that explains anything)


End file.
